By: Dr. Ailene Buelva-Martin ,MD
Sir Drew is one of the many HD nurses who continue to do his duties and responsibilities despite the challenges of the pandemic. Whether you are a doctor, nurse, aide, technician, guard, janitor, cashier, Philhealth officer, and other staff–you are a front liner. Read on as most, if not all, can relate to his experiences.
1. At the start of the pandemic, what did you feel as a healthcare worker?
When the pandemic started, specifically when the lockdown was implemented, non-essential establishments were temporarily closed, public transportations were suspended and I knew that I needed to stay in the hospital. Uncertainty and fear got into me. Fear that I will acquire the virus and initially, battling with the virus which we are unsure of how it can be transmitted. Uncertain as to whether there is a cure. It’s like battling with an enemy that you can’t see.
2. Did you ever feel you wanted to resign?
Yes. We all know that taking care of patients on maintenance hemodialysis is crucial because they are immunocompromised and vulnerable to acquiring the virus. Months after the pandemic started, I already felt exhausted and anxious as I needed to look after the safety of our patients, my staff, and myself. I had to regularly check my family as well, most especially my parents who are elderly. I also needed to handle patients while doing administrative works because we are understaffed at that time and we have to work overtime to accommodate COVID suspect patients. The experience made me question myself. Is this profession worth my life? What if I got infected? What if I die? Those are some of the questions running through my head at that time. I was mentally unstable for months and it affected my thinking and decision making.
3. What made you stay?
Whenever I’m uncertain if I’m going to pursue the profession that I chose, I always go back to my core, to the day when I decided to take up Nursing. This is my calling, I am destined to be a nurse, to take care of my patients. I have decided to stay because I know they needed me and this is not the right time to give up. If all of us front-liners will have the same mindset to quit, who will be there to take care of our patients? How can this battle be won without us? This is our battle and I am one in fighting this virus to end this pandemic.
4. What sacrifices or changes did you make to continue being a frontliner/ HD nurse?
As a nurse, just like all the other front liners all over the globe, I have sacrificed a lot. First, simply properly donning and wearing the complete set of PPE for more than 8 hours is quite tough. There were days that we have to skip meals or go to the restroom just to avoid removing our PPEs. Second, as I am family-oriented, being away from my family, and not being able to go home on special occasions is really heartbreaking. I stayed in the hospital for months for fear of bringing the virus to my family. Third, making adjustments to the new normal is also quite tough such as wearing a mask and face shield outside the hospital. The choice is not up to us as we have to adapt to the new normal for a safer and healthier community. I need to sacrifice to protect myself, my patients, my friends, and my family.
5. Do you know other people who had COVID? How did you feel about it?
Yes, I knew friends, colleagues, and distant relatives who tested positive for COVID-19. I was anxious than when I heard that 2 of my closest friends acquired the virus in the early part of the pandemic and one of them experienced moderate-severe symptoms. I feared for their lives, and for the family members living with them.
6. Going into 9 months into the pandemic, what have you learned?
It was the craziest 9 months of me being a nurse. It tested my patience, strength, and even my faith that it pushed me to my limits. There were realizations and life lessons being in the period of the pandemic. The family should always be your first priority. Make the most of your time whenever you are with them. Tell them and make them feel that they are loved and treasured as our future is uncertain. Having a support system is also one of the key factors that will help you keep sane and grounded. At first, being in the front line is really frightening but now I realized that courage, discipline, having a strong heart and mind to serve and strong faith in the Lord would really make a big difference for us to survive this chaos while serving others. And lastly, we have to be updated with the latest trend on how to fight COVID-19, observe proper health protocols, and embrace the new normal for a safer and healthier Philippines.
Being resilient does not mean we do not experience difficulty, stress, and fear. Being resilient means we are able to go through all of these, one step at a time, and allow it to mold us into better versions of ourselves as we come out of this adversity victorious. Seek help if you need to. With God’s grace, support of family, the help of colleagues and friends; together, we can heal as one.
